18 Ways To Be A Good Conservative
Hello, I know this does not help in the dialogue.
Sometimes though, I like to respond in kind. A conservative friend sent me an email that he found circulating on the net entitled, "18 Ways To Be A Good Liberal." With this he said, and this is basically verbatim, "I'm not a great writer, but I am a great cut and paster." As a school teacher, what can I say? Ugh. I know, I know, it's like, "I can't think, but I can repeat what other people think." So, I took it upon myself to at least offer him some original responses, despite the tackiness....
Here is a link, if you want to read the Liberal one going around the net: 18 Ways to Be A Liberal
Without further fanfare, here are my .....
18 Ways To Be A Good Consevative:
1. You have to be against a woman’s right to care for
her own body, but the right to life ends at state
sponsored execution.
2. You have to be for corporate welfare but against
foodstamps.
3. You have to believe that the 2nd Amendment
guarantees the right to hunt with an Uzi, even if it
means while quail hunting, pecking off a friend or
two.
4. You have to believe that the height of artistic
sophistication is the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.
5. You have to believe, despite world-wide scientific
consensus and all measurable facts, that global
warming is a cyclical change, that will just go away
whenever that cycle changes, although no one seems to
be telling you when that might be, and gosh, come to
think of it, why are all of those hurricanes getting
so big?
6. You have to believe in the right to pick on people
for being gay.
7. You have to feel that it is not America’s
obligation to help countries afflicted with AIDS
because it's really their problem, isn’t it?
8. You have to believe that public school teachers all
must suck because why else would you have to pay a
tutor to do your child’s homework for him.
9. You have to believe in the right to wear fur.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is self-made,
unless you inherited it, which in that case, you
should get a tax break too.
11. You have to believe that John McCain is getting
too liberal.
12. You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because
it supports the Bill of Rights, and those rights include
free speech and religion, but you love
the NRA because it supports the most important part
of the Bill of Rights, the 2nd Amendment.
13. You have to believe that the minimum wage is too
high, but CEO salaries too low.
14. You have to believe that American History is
important only to white (preferably Southern) men.
15. You have to believe in nepotism, cronyism,
alumni-relations, backroom deals, and secret
handshakes, but not diversity in education or the workplace.
16. You have to believe that socialism has failed
everywhere even though the United States has Medicare,
Social Security, unemployment compensation and borders
a little country called Canada that continues to have
many forms of a socialist economy.
17. You have to believe in the right to pick on
people for being gay. I know you have already
expressed this belief, but you just can’t say it
enough, can you.
18. You have to believe this message is funded by
liberal Hollywood and the biased media.
SHALOM.
Sometimes though, I like to respond in kind. A conservative friend sent me an email that he found circulating on the net entitled, "18 Ways To Be A Good Liberal." With this he said, and this is basically verbatim, "I'm not a great writer, but I am a great cut and paster." As a school teacher, what can I say? Ugh. I know, I know, it's like, "I can't think, but I can repeat what other people think." So, I took it upon myself to at least offer him some original responses, despite the tackiness....
Here is a link, if you want to read the Liberal one going around the net: 18 Ways to Be A Liberal
Without further fanfare, here are my .....
18 Ways To Be A Good Consevative:
1. You have to be against a woman’s right to care for
her own body, but the right to life ends at state
sponsored execution.
2. You have to be for corporate welfare but against
foodstamps.
3. You have to believe that the 2nd Amendment
guarantees the right to hunt with an Uzi, even if it
means while quail hunting, pecking off a friend or
two.
4. You have to believe that the height of artistic
sophistication is the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.
5. You have to believe, despite world-wide scientific
consensus and all measurable facts, that global
warming is a cyclical change, that will just go away
whenever that cycle changes, although no one seems to
be telling you when that might be, and gosh, come to
think of it, why are all of those hurricanes getting
so big?
6. You have to believe in the right to pick on people
for being gay.
7. You have to feel that it is not America’s
obligation to help countries afflicted with AIDS
because it's really their problem, isn’t it?
8. You have to believe that public school teachers all
must suck because why else would you have to pay a
tutor to do your child’s homework for him.
9. You have to believe in the right to wear fur.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is self-made,
unless you inherited it, which in that case, you
should get a tax break too.
11. You have to believe that John McCain is getting
too liberal.
12. You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because
it supports the Bill of Rights, and those rights include
free speech and religion, but you love
the NRA because it supports the most important part
of the Bill of Rights, the 2nd Amendment.
13. You have to believe that the minimum wage is too
high, but CEO salaries too low.
14. You have to believe that American History is
important only to white (preferably Southern) men.
15. You have to believe in nepotism, cronyism,
alumni-relations, backroom deals, and secret
handshakes, but not diversity in education or the workplace.
16. You have to believe that socialism has failed
everywhere even though the United States has Medicare,
Social Security, unemployment compensation and borders
a little country called Canada that continues to have
many forms of a socialist economy.
17. You have to believe in the right to pick on
people for being gay. I know you have already
expressed this belief, but you just can’t say it
enough, can you.
18. You have to believe this message is funded by
liberal Hollywood and the biased media.
SHALOM.
posted by Not Why, Why Not? @ 11:44 PM
2 Comments:
At 7:35 PM ,
Anonymous said...
This is a response to 18 Ways to Be a Good Conservative. I thought I was a Conservative, but maybe I just vote that way -- because:
1. I am absolutely for a woman’s right to care for her own body, which includes the way in which she gives birth. I also am for the rights of a baby she might conceive (which is a separate person with a body too) – that baby might be a woman too. I am also for the right to life to the very end, which does not allow for sponsored execution.
2. I am not for corporate welfare – but I do support food stamps for people who really need them.
3. I believe in the 2nd Amendment right to bear arms and from my government lessons, I don’t remember anything that gives anyone a right to pick off a friend or 2.
4. I think artistic sophistication extends beyond the Blue Collar Comedy Tour (whatever that is).
5. I believe we are all trying to sort out the facts about global warming and cycle changes and that science is offering differing opinions and that if we continue in our research, we will come to a better understanding of that whole matter and deal with it as effectively as a nation can.
6. I don’t believe in the right to pick on gay people
7. I believe it is America’s choice and privilege to be able to help countries afflicted with AIDS and also to help countries dealing with terrorism and other serious issues and that sometimes this means bringing money and force to those countries.
8. I believe in school teachers (I come from a long line of them and am one myself, so this is self-serving) and I think they have one of the hardest and most rewarding professions in society.
9. I believe in the right to wear anything that is legal – that might include fur or leather belts or purses or shoes..
10. I don’t understand what this means.
11. I believe that John McCain is just fine. When someone has as much life experience as he has, I am in awe and respect what he has to say, even if every single thought doesn’t mesh with mine. He has served in the Senate many years; he has adopted a daughter from Bangladesh who had serious medical needs. When someone has withstood and survived prison camps and cancer, both of which scare the hell out of me, I salute and listen..
12. I believe that the ACLU has the right to defend the Bill of Rights, and I believe that the NRA has the right to defend the 2nd Amendment and that we should support our Constitution and Bill of Rights until we change them because we have a great country built on them.
13. I don’t believe either of these.
14. I love American history and I am not a while male. I think it should be important to all Americans.
15. I believe in people helping each other and would rather not use the labels – I think a lot of kids and adults need a “leg up” but not a “hand out”. I believe in diversity in education and in the workplace.
16. I don’t believe socialism has failed everywhere, but I do believe that its programs are largely inefficient and that competitive enterprise usually produces more efficient ways of serving folks with better outcomes.
17. I know I already said it, but I don’t believe in the right to pick on people for being gay.
18. I don’t believe this message is funded by liberal Hollywood and the biased media. I imagine it is written by a biased liberal (who,by the way, happens to have a beautiful family -- adorable little kid) and who was probably funded by someone ELSE who worked hard in good ol’ capitalist America so he could be a world traveler and retire at an age less than 40!
chill
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