18 Ways To Be A Good Conservative

Hello, I know this does not help in the dialogue.

Sometimes though, I like to respond in kind. A conservative friend sent me an email that he found circulating on the net entitled, "18 Ways To Be A Good Liberal." With this he said, and this is basically verbatim, "I'm not a great writer, but I am a great cut and paster." As a school teacher, what can I say? Ugh. I know, I know, it's like, "I can't think, but I can repeat what other people think." So, I took it upon myself to at least offer him some original responses, despite the tackiness....

Here is a link, if you want to read the Liberal one going around the net: 18 Ways to Be A Liberal

Without further fanfare, here are my .....

18 Ways To Be A Good Consevative:

1. You have to be against a woman’s right to care for
her own body, but the right to life ends at state
sponsored execution.

2. You have to be for corporate welfare but against
foodstamps.

3. You have to believe that the 2nd Amendment
guarantees the right to hunt with an Uzi, even if it
means while quail hunting, pecking off a friend or
two.

4. You have to believe that the height of artistic
sophistication is the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

5. You have to believe, despite world-wide scientific
consensus and all measurable facts, that global
warming is a cyclical change, that will just go away
whenever that cycle changes, although no one seems to
be telling you when that might be, and gosh, come to
think of it, why are all of those hurricanes getting
so big?

6. You have to believe in the right to pick on people
for being gay.

7. You have to feel that it is not America’s
obligation to help countries afflicted with AIDS
because it's really their problem, isn’t it?

8. You have to believe that public school teachers all
must suck because why else would you have to pay a
tutor to do your child’s homework for him.

9. You have to believe in the right to wear fur.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is self-made,
unless you inherited it, which in that case, you
should get a tax break too.

11. You have to believe that John McCain is getting
too liberal.

12. You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because
it supports the Bill of Rights, and those rights include
free speech and religion, but you love
the NRA because it supports the most important part
of the Bill of Rights, the 2nd Amendment.

13. You have to believe that the minimum wage is too
high, but CEO salaries too low.

14. You have to believe that American History is
important only to white (preferably Southern) men.

15. You have to believe in nepotism, cronyism,
alumni-relations, backroom deals, and secret
handshakes, but not diversity in education or the workplace.

16. You have to believe that socialism has failed
everywhere even though the United States has Medicare,
Social Security, unemployment compensation and borders
a little country called Canada that continues to have
many forms of a socialist economy.

17. You have to believe in the right to pick on
people for being gay. I know you have already
expressed this belief, but you just can’t say it
enough, can you.

18. You have to believe this message is funded by
liberal Hollywood and the biased media.

SHALOM.